While most of us have had to grapple at one time or another with what our beliefs are about sex before marriage, the Internet has opened up a whole new phenomenon to ponder-sex before meeting!
While many online are seeking a cyber-sexual interaction, for those serious about finding a loving and lasting relationship, it can be a major turn-off if the sex card is played too early in the game. Don't get me wrong, sexuality is, of course, a wonderful and natural part of a loving and lasting relationship however, when it comes to online dating it is best looked upon as a by-product or the result of a relationship not the incentive for a relationship.
Everyone knows that sexuality is an important part of a romantic relationship and that if you get two people who are attracted to each other together, sexuality will eventually be ignited. When something is so completely understood on an implicit level, there is no need to be explicit.
Stereotypically, let's take a look at the differences between men and women here. As I've researched profiles, I've noticed that women tend to dangle sexuality as the “bait” for finding love and it works quite effectively for luring guys in. However, the women are then often disappointed when the “catch” is just looking for sex. Even though this kind of lure may work to get attention, it doesn't pull in the kind of men, or the kind of relationship that they are really seeking. It would be wise for women to reconsider using sexuality as their bait. If you are looking for love, focus on sharing your other qualities-beyond your sexuality-to interest a man. You can rest assured that your sexuality will be noticed when you meet, without you having to say a word about it in your profile.
Men, on the other hand, mention sex in their profiles thinking that women think like they do. The guys think that it is sexy to mention sex (cause they find it enticing when a woman says sexy things), when in actuality women tend to get hit on sexually so often that this is not a point of intrigue. A cyber-sexual hit isn't responded to like “Oh goody, a man wants to have sex with me” rather it is responded to like, “Oh look, this guy wants to have sex with me and he doesn't even know me, what a jerk!” Face it guys, women know you want to have sex, you don't need to tell us and telling us may cause the opposite reaction you were hoping for! Women want to know what it is about her that you are interested in. When she knows that you are interested in her, specifically, she is far more likely to be interested in you, sexually.
For the most part, when sex is talked about before even meeting, it sends the impression that the sex is more important to you than the person you are intending to share it with. Stereotypically speaking…if you are a guy that may not bother you, but if you are a woman that is probably a turn off. So when women mention sex in their profiles (or in their headlines or user names) it tends to draw a big response, but not the kind of response she is really hoping for. When men mention sex in their profiles in an effort to turn women on, it tends to turn women off-not the response they were hoping for, either. Thus, the moral of the story is that sex is best left out of a profile (or initial emails). Sexuality is just better explored after some other foundations have already been laid.
For more in depth information on any of these topics, see Eve's books.
For dating: "Intellectual Foreplay: Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be" and "Virtual Foreplay: Making Your Online Relationship a Real-Life Success." For marriage or relationship success: "How to Love Your Marriage: Making Your Closest Relationship Work." For spirituality and personal growth: "Way of the Winding Path: A Map for the Labyrinth of Life" and "Rings of Truth."
