"No life is devoid of spiritual experience, only spiritual awareness."

"The work relationships require is not work on the other person, but work on ourselves."

"God speaks all the time, answers your prayers all the time—There is no lack of transmission, only lack of reception."

"When the grass is greener on the other side of the 'fence,' water your 'lawn'!"

"Honesty is the best policy when it is coming from your heart, not from your ego."

"Relationships are not the goal; they are the means to the goal."

"When it comes to relationships, two halves do not make a whole—rather they make a hole that is impossible to fill!"

"Honesty is a primary ingredient for making love. If it is missing, you are making something else. A mistake, perhaps?"

"It is seldom that anything gets better from neglect—especially one's love life."

Love Tips:

• Catch yourself when you are assigning blame, and ask yourself, “How can I respond differently to this situation that will create a more powerful result?”
• Remember to bring out the Elation, or Joy, in all of your rELATIONships!
• When you find yourself in a battle in which the only thing at stake is your ego, the best way to get out of the battle is to let the other person win.
• A little forethought goes a long way. Think ahead. Don't wait until the special day to buy the flowers, make the reservations, or buy the card/gift. Do it now! The thoughtfulness and consideration will be noticed even more than the present!
• When interacting with potential sweethearts online, it is easy to let your fantasies carry you far away from reality. Until you actually meet, remember that he or she is still essentially a stranger, even if an intimate one.
• The root word of "emergency" is "emergence." Trust that every tragedy or difficult time is just the transition to something new and improved. Look for what is emerging and trust the process.
• You are 100% responsible for the quality of your life-and your relationships. Take steps to align yourself with your Self—your true nature—your strong, capable, powerful self and you will create a strong, healthy and powerful life.
• Playing games, making assumptions, second-guessing what the other person is thinking or wanting, will almost always cause you more grief than value. Before you speak, act, invite or call, pass the idea through a test: is it respectful, thoughtful and true? If so, proceed. If not, don't.
• Often we pretend not to notice that someone isn't returning our calls, that we are avoiding issues, that we are afraid to talk about certain topics. By paying attention to what you are pretending not to notice, you'll discover some very important issues that need to be handled.
• When in doubt, take responsibility.
• To raise self-esteem, treat the other person (or yourself) like a gold mine. In order to find a single nugget of gold, a miner must remove tons and tons of dirt and rock, but a miner never goes into the mine looking for the dirt! Look for the gold, look for the good, look for the God in others, and surely you will find it!
• Pay attention to what your partner says and does. Pay attention also to what you say and do in regards to your partner. Not only is it important to make the right choices IN a partner, but to be the right choice AS a partner.
• Don't fight a battle unless you are sure you want the prize. In other words, before you fight for someone's affection, or exclusivity, be sure you are willing to accept all that comes with "winning."
• "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break my heart." Words have an amazing ability to hurt or heal and the effects can last a lifetime. Be careful not to inflict wounds of the heart on others—or yourself.
• In a dance, there needs to be enough room between you for the next step to be taken. Your steps need to be coordinated so that as he steps forward, you step back. The same is true in relationships. There needs to be space for the other person to come forward. If you are always advancing, he will have to back up. Become aware of whether you give others enough room to love you.
• Don't take anything someone else does personally. Take everything you do personally.
• When trying to avoid pain, be sure that what you are choosing instead isn't even more painful.
• Rather than following the "Golden Rule-Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," try "Do unto others as they would have you do unto them." So many people allow themselves to be treated horribly—or worse yet, treat themselves horribly, so unless you have really healthy self-esteem, the traditional Golden Rule is really not a good gauge for how to treat others. Treat people with the consideration and respect not only that you would like, but that they would like.
• Typically we pick our partners by “looks good” or “feels good” only to get involved too quickly, discovering that the relationship really isn't “good.” Rather than letting your body decide, use your head, along with your heart to make decisions that are in alignment with your goals and values.
• The first step to change is always self-awareness, which comes about through self-observation. When we become aware of what we are doing (or not doing) and saying (or not saying) we can then consider other options. When we are able to see our choices, we have the power to change.
• Reframe challenging situations by "pretending" that it was put in front of you so that you could achieve greater self-mastery. Make a game of it! When someone implies a put down, imagine God is playing tennis with you to hone your skills. Think, "Good one, God! Let's see, how can I handle this with respect, grace and skill?"
• When you find yourself in conflict, take a deep breath and let go of your need for control and your need for approval. Take another deep breath and accept what is, let go of resistance. Then, look for solutions outside the influence of your ego. Allow your creativity to solve the problem.
• Take time to do what you love—together. Webster's defines romance as "a tendency of mind toward the wonderful and mysterious, something belonging rather to fiction than to everyday life." Romance is the stuff that makes your relationship seem special rather than mundane. Make sure you take the time to walk on the beach, build bon fires, sing songs, star-gaze...whatever is wonderful and mysterious to you!
• Remember that we are custodians of each other's self-esteem and each other's hearts. We must be cognizant of how we word things, while still honoring the truth and our own personal boundaries.
• A great saint once said, "If someone speaks ill of you, first see if he is right. If he is right, try to correct yourself. If it is unjust, then forget." The same holds true of self-criticism. Whenever you find yourself feeling hopeless, stop to examine what your thoughts were that led to this feeling and when appropriate, change your self-talk! As a result, your feelings will also change.
• The distance between “what was” and “what should be” can create an unmanageable rift. In relationships, sometimes one is living in the past while the other is living in the future. If instead, both were to bring their attention to the present moment, they may be surprised to find perfection in this “half way point” of here and now.
• Take a look at your attitude and ask yourself whether it is contributing to your life or distracting from it. Then realize, attitude is a choice.
• When in doubt about what to say, tell the truth. In fact, make it a point to tell the truth faster. People are often more compassionate and more capable of hearing the truth than we give them credit for; the challenge is not as much about their ability to hear the truth, as it is our ability to own the truth.
• In order to take a "new approach" you have to know what your "old approach" was. Practice self-observation and identify what you are doing, and what you aren't doing, so that you can make adjustments.
• Relationships require a lot of negotiating and compromise, however the one area that should never be compromised is self-respect.
• When you change the way you are thinking about yourself, you will disarm the power others have for making you feel bad.
• The secret to peace of mind isn't necessarily trusting your partner. When you trust God, and you trust yourself to handle whatever life presents you, peace is yours.
• Find a way to experience internal peace daily (without the use of any substances) through meditation, exercise, breathing deeply and return to that place within whenever you start to feel stress.
• "Looks good" and "feels good" is not a strong foundation for choosing a relationship. Take the time to see if the relationship really is good, before you get seriously involved.
• While it is important to be proactive, it is also important to know when to step back, rejuvenate and restore our strength before moving forward. The word "recreation" breaks down to "re-create." To re-create your sense of self and strength, or to restore an existing relationship, take some time for recreation.
• As you discover what is wonderful about yourself, what you have to offer in a relationship and why someone would want to date you, you will find that they suddenly discover all of that, too!
• Love is purely in the moment. When you are worrying about the past or thinking about the future, you are not in love. Instead you are in ego. Ego worries about "mine," "forever," "jealousy," "more." When you find yourself falling in ego, return to the present moment where love lives, thrives and is shared.
• In any relationship, it is helpful to take a reality check from time to time to acknowledge what you really love about the other person, rather than loving what you wish were true.
• Whenever you point one finger toward someone or something else as the cause of your problems, notice that there are three other fingers pointing back to you. One part may, indeed, be their doing, but be sure to take responsibility for the three parts that you have control over!
• When you trust yourself, you may find that the rest of the world is suddenly more trustworthy.
• Pretend that your inner self is just like the "cell phone guy" saying "Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?" Turn up your reception and pay attention to your Self!
• Notice that your feelings are a direct result of your thoughts. If you don't like the feelings, change the thoughts and actions that caused them!
• Every topic in the world has someone with expertise in dealing with those specific circumstances. With just a little research and effort you can find the resources you need to make your love life work!
• People only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. When you know your own value, you will change what you allow.
• The secret to finding love is being loving. The secret to success is not accepting defeat. The secret to fixing the world's problems is to start by fixing your own.
• Learning to "love like you've never been hurt" is a preferable task to dealing with the hurt of never being loved or worse yet, never loving. Discover ways to approach each new opportunity with an open heart and an open mind ready and willing to expand, learn, grow and explore.
• Ego is always the obstacle between you and love. When you find love is being blocked, observe to see where ego got in the way. You are not your ego. Take a deep breath and realign with who you really are to restart the flow of love.
• Honor your head and your heart! Practice due diligence, think things through, and pay attention. Then, follow your heart while using your head, knowing that you can handle whatever life offers. All great rewards begin with taking risks.
• When it comes to relationships, few situations are clearly right and wrong, good and bad. When it comes to determining what to do, refer instead to your own internal meters that indicate wise and unwise, healthy and unhealthy, nourishing and toxic.
• Communication can heal a lot of wounds—especially the ones that only exist in one's imagination. When in doubt, ask. When what you know will help someone else, tell them.
• Allow the world to be your mirror, reflecting back to you what you need to see in yourself. Then, instead of blaming the world or trying to fix "it," determine what you can adjust within that will transform your perceptions and experiences.
• Letting go of the past in its entirety all at once is difficult to do, letting go of the past in any given moment is simple to do. Transform the moment by focusing your attention on the "now moment." As you transform each moment, you transform your life.
• Time alone for developing and nourishing one's interests and hobbies is essential for a healthy relationship. Make sure that you are not only honoring your partner's needs and interests, but also your own!
• As your self-esteem improves, you will find your relationships do, too!
• We have one mouth and two ears so that we speak half as much as we listen. Whenever you find yourself feeling disconnected from another human being, try listening to them. Remember to listen not only with your ears, but also with your heart because often the words don't adequately reflect the message.
• Letting go of the past doesn't mean pretending it doesn't exist. It means accepting it, embracing it, learning from it and moving more wisely into the future.
• Love exists within our own hearts all the time. Different experiences and people serve as the key to unlock the door and allow us to feel the love. Don't mistake the key to the door for the room where the love dwells (your heart) nor for the source of that love (your soul essence). When you know this, you realize that no one can take your love away.
• Imagine for a moment that "happily-ever-after" was not the goal of a relationship, but rather that "happily-right-now-in-every-moment" was.
• When do we know we know someone? When our gut, heart and head all give us the go-ahead.
• Don't give up on yourself! There is very little that a heavy dose of self-love can't fix! When you know that you are "in it" for life, and that you will not abandon yourself no matter what, there is far less to fear.
• If you truly want a relationship, you will have to take your online interactions into the realm of face-to-face. Let the Internet be your practice ground for stretching and then apply your newly found skills in the realm of "real-life."
• Assumptions and blame are seldom the ingredients to a happy healthy relationship. Start instead with personal responsibility.
• The qualities of high self-esteem and the qualities of ego often look the same—assertive, passionate, confident, carefree, but they feel very different! Behavior based in true self-esteem is never done with an intention to hurt others. Pay attention to how you feel when you are with other people and you will likely discover where they are coming from.
• Sometimes those we are involved with need our help rather than our evaluation. Just the offer to help and consideration shown may be all the help that is needed to turn things around.
• Sometimes the "safety ring" you are holding onto until you have a stable footing elsewhere is actually the very thing that is keeping you out of balance. As you let go of the past with faith and trust, you may find wings unfurling that you never even knew you had!
• Ego is the ultimate obstacle to love. Our true essence, as human beings, is love. We are here to love and be loved. Our egos, however, misunderstand that true essence and think that rather than being love, we need to love and be loved. Suddenly our beautiful “soul essence” gets covered up by what our ego perceives as a need. When we need to love others, we start trying to control them so that we can fulfill that need. When we need others to love us, we start manipulating our behavior to match what we think they want from us in order to get their approval. Thus, our need to love and be loved shows up as a need for control and approval. Ironically, these ego-needs block love while their very purpose was to try to get love. And of course, all the while, if we transcend the ego all we will find is love (in ourselves and others).
• Your power to transform your relationship is in your ability to make powerful choices.
• When you are going through pain over someone else's actions, try to separate what part of that pain is from your bruised ego wanting approval and control and that which is truly pain over the situation. Transcend your ego and you will find peace.
• Rather than worrying about what is right or wrong for someone else to do, simply gauge your choices by what is right or wrong for you to do.
• There is a fine line between “dreams” and “illusions.” Be careful to hold onto your dreams, while being aware of your illusions. Watch for the truth.
• It is important to listen not only with our ears, but also with our hearts. Notice what is the other person's heart saying vs. what their mouth is saying. Respond to the heart, rather than reacting to the words.
• Whether far apart or up close, every ounce of extra attention to showing your love, sending romantic notes, reassuring your partner of your presence will be effort worth making.
• If we needed to know math, we would take a clas and study. If we needed help typing, we would buy software and practice. When our love life or interpersonal skills need improvement, we also need to utilize the resources and tools available to us, learn new skills, and practice them. The main difference is that the reward is more love—a worthy goal indeed!
• Whenever you feel pain over a partner's actions, take a deep breath and move from ego to soul. Your soul is not concerned about ego issues and can offer you great strength when letting go, problem solving and moving on.
• Whenever you come away from a situation thinking that the lesson is “not to love again” or “not to trust again,” you have missed the lesson. All lessons can lead to more love, more trust, more understanding, more compassion and more personal power, if we look again for a deeper message. It is a matter of choice.
• Examine the decisions and beliefs that you are living your life by and determine whether those decisions are serving you. It is never too late to make a new decision and adopt a new more empowering belief.
• When what we are doing isn't working, we have to do something different. Remain open-minded to the possibility that the “something different” is something you've never tried before or that won't make sense to you until you do!
• We are so brainwashed to think that attraction is all about the outside of us (weight, appearance, etc.), when in reality, the inside (attitudes, perspectives, optimism or a lack thereof) is equally important, if not more so. Outer attractiveness serves to reel people in at the beginning, but inner attractiveness is more likely to build strong, lasting relationships. (Of course, both are nice!)
• Bring your creativity into all aspects of your life. Your life is your canvas, you are the artist. If you don't like the painting you've created, use creative license and change your picture. Make your life—and your love life—a masterful work of art!
• We commonly think it takes two to love, but it really only takes one. It takes two people to have a relationship. When you can realize the distinction between these two, you will realize that the love you seek is already yours. Go forth and seek a relationship already full of love.
• We all have immense power to transform our relationships when we transcend our egos and let compassion and understanding do the work.
• Pay attention to what people tell you. Listen not only with your ears, but also with your heart. Honor what you hear.
• Sometimes we will be happy because of our marriage or relationship, sometimes we need to be happy in spite of it. Find happiness internally, regardless of your external circumstances. Your internal happiness will affect your external circumstances, but your external circumstances should not affect your internal happiness.
• You always have a choice—to honor ego or to honor love.
• There is nothing more romantic than someone who sees the real you and loves you—no matter whether you stutter and stumble, or whether you are suave and sophisticated. The key to love like this is showing them the real you. Be authentic. (Here is a hint: You'll have to let down your ego shield to do it.)
• Everyone is at a different stage of evolution, readiness and understanding. What you gain from an experience may be totally different from what your partner gains. Trust that your path and his or hers may be different, but you can be in different lanes on the same highway, see totally different things and still enjoy the journey.
• Awareness that change is needed is the first step, but action is required for satisfaction. Sometimes the action is simply a new perspective from looking at the total truth.
• Listen to—and believe—what people tell you about their ability to love. They almost always tell us, or show us signs that in hindsight are obvious.
• Often when you give others the space to be upset, you will be more at peace. If you try to force them to be happy, you will make yourself—and them—crazy.
• The answers to many of your relationship questions can only be found by talking with your (potential) partner. Ask what you want to know and tell the truth faster.
• Whether “playfully flirting” or “fully playing” with someone else's sweetheart—there is seldom ever a happy ending. Never do all three leave unscathed, rather all three are left scarred. Seek win/win scenarios in the realm of love.
• Pay attention to the Little Red Flags! If something smells fishy, it probably is!
• Choices equal power. We always have choices—even in the realm of love. Desperation comes when we don't see our options.
• Be clear on what your true agenda is when you contact old, or new, loves. Hidden agendas cause mistrust. Tell the truth first to yourself, and if your agenda is in the best interest of all people involved, then tell the other person. If not, don't initiate contact.
• Power and Control issues are not usually between us and another person, they are between one aspect of ourselves and another—between our head and our heart, our ego and our spirit. As we learn to heal our internal relationships, our external ones heal, as well.
• Whenever you hear yourself saying “I know…,” ask yourself how you know. What is your evidence? Do you truly know, or are you assuming? Aim to base your decisions and communication on truth.
• The concept of ONE great love is a myth. Rejoice in your capacity to love everyone and choose who you are going to be "sole" mates with.
• Drama is not the result of a healthy relationship. Drama is caused by ego. Love, trust, honesty and communication are the results of a healthy relationship. These are also the means to a healthy relationship. The result and the means are one and the same.
• Stop seeking love and start seeing it instead. Evidence of love is all around us, all the time.
• When looking for someone who is compassionate to your situation, you must also be compassionate toward theirs.
• You are not a victim. Virtually everything you experience is a consequence of a choice you have made. As you take responsibility for your circumstance, you also gain the power to make important changes.
• Love never dies and never goes away, whether the other person is living or dead. Rather our ability to experience the love gets blocked—by ego, fear, judgments and beliefs. All you have to do to feel the love again is let go of the obstacles that are blocking the flow.
• Keep learning eternally. Every effort you make to keep learning new skills, exploring new interests and developing your talents will also keep you interesting in your relationship.
• Underneath your fears you will find what you hold dear—that which you treasure. That is the beauty of fear. Let it teach you about what you want to protect.
• When we blame other people for our situation, we give away all our power. Try taking 100% responsibility for the quality of your relationships—if even just for a week—and see how they transform.
• When you listen to yourself as you talk about your relationship, you will often find that you already know what to do. Trust and listen to your own wisdom.
• Always remember that most single people want other single people to show their interest. If you approach them from the perspective that you are giving them something instead of trying to get something, you can transform the energy of the whole encounter.
• When a miner goes into a gold mine he must remove tons of dirt and rock to find even a single nugget of gold, yet he never, ever goes into the mine looking for the dirt. Treat yourself (and your friends/lovers) like a gold mine. Go in looking for the gold—the God—and that is what you will find.
• Personality characteristics—kindness, authenticity, generosity, compassion, confidence, honesty, spirituality, faith, humor—will take you farther in relationship than physical or material characteristics. Every step to develop and enhance your innate goodness, will bring you three steps closer to love.
• Defending a position that doesn't have a defense only digs you into a deeper hole. By acknowledging the impact of your decisions on others and accepting that they are in pain, you can help them to heal, defuse their power to make you feel bad—and reestablish your integrity. If you resist or deny your responsibility, the damage will deepen.
• Relationships—with other people as well as with yourself—are built on integrity. The more you keep your “Integrity Contracts” in tact, the better others will feel about you and the healthier your self-esteem will be.
• Success is achieved moment by moment and the time to start is right now, now, now, now and again, now. Oh look, now backwards is “won!”
• Love and anger exist simultaneously. Be sure that when you are expressing the anger that your love is also shining through.
• Don't give up on love. The bottom line is that you won't be “successful” in love until you are successful.
• We often mourn the loss of what we wished a relationship would have become rather than the loss of the actual quality of the relationship. When you take a look at what you are really letting go of, chances are it will be easier to release.
• You need to meet in person to determine if you are a match, but you don't need to meet at all to determine that you are not a match.
• How we feel is a direct result of what we are thinking. As you allow your thoughts to be more loving, you will feel love. If you want to feel more love, be more loving.
• Let the challenging moments reveal what is most important to you and spur you into deeper communication, understanding and compassion with your partner—whether you stay together or not.
• When it comes to relationships we need to either love them, or leave them. When we realize that hating them (or resisting them) and staying in the relationship isn't a viable option, other solutions become obvious.
• Flirting is a lot like fishing; it is setting the bait. Be sure you don't use bait that is the favorite of the kind of fish you don't want to catch.
• When you compromise your values for a relationship, you compromise both your happiness and your relationship.
• Blaming other people for your lack of love never ever works for bringing more love into your life.
• When situations call you away, keep your sweetheart informed. A little information goes a long way and keeps the imagination from having to fill in the gaps with false information—and fear.
• Did you ever put a house up for sale, clean it all up, put on new paint and do the yard work only to find yourself thinking, “Why didn't I do this while I lived here?” The same holds true in relationships—spend the money, time and effort you would put into finding and courting someone new into the love you already have and you will be amazed at how good it can look.
• A positive attitude speaks far louder to a heart than a negative attitude does.
• Pay attention to what you say and what you truly want the result of your words to be. If your intention is to inflict hurt or judgment, then best to turn your analysis on yourself, as you are not yet ready to speak.
• Become your own “editor” both for the written and spoken word. Rephrase what your words are saying to match what your heart wants to say.
• You can never clean up someone else's act, only your own. People don't learn from what we say, they learn from what we do.
• Commitment is putting both feet on the same side of a decision.
• As John Lennon said, “Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." Be sure that opportunities to live are not being missed while you are waiting for a life. Life is here, now.
• People, places and things are not the source of love, they are the catalysts that allow us to recognize the love we already have inside. Love is our essence, it can't be given or even taken away; it can only be awakened, shared and enjoyed—or not.
• It is impossible to live up to others' expectations, so we must live up to our own. Constantly practice self-observation; if you like how you are showing up, enjoy it. If you don't, change it!
• Making up stories—whether it is pretending that everything is okay when it is not or assuming the worst before you know the truth—is never in your best interest.
• There is a difference between confident and egotistical. True self-esteem does not allow one to be confident about doing things that hurt others, where ego does. Be sure to build confidence with true self-esteem as the foundation rather than the false sense of self-esteem that comes with ego.
• The more we don't accept in ourselves, the more we judge others. As we become accepting and forgiving of ourselves, we are also more adept at forgiving and accepting others.
• When our arms are full of expectations, we can't embrace anything else. Let go of your expectations and see if “reality” changes along with you.
• The key to getting into new territory so that you don't have to pass that way again is to learn. Pay attention to what the experience has taught you—about yourself, use your values as guideposts and make new decisions based on what you have gained from the journey.
• Ironically, we tend to honor fear regardless of its base in truth and it often makes our lives more difficult, scary, and unmanageable while we tend not to honor intuition in spite of its truth, which could empower us, strengthen us and help us to avoid many difficult situations. Learn to tell the difference by paying attention to how you feel.
• Simply listening to people, rather than taking on their troubles and trying to fix them, is much easier for you and much more helpful for them.
• When you are afraid of losing someone, you can either make them so miserable trying to control them that you drive them away or you can focus on why you want to save the marriage, grow the love between you and give them reasons to stay. The choice is yours.